Admit it, when you first heard Alexi Lalas use the term Sexy Football to describe what the Los Angeles Galaxy would play like, you laughed out loud. After all, there’s positively nothing sexy about watching Alan Gordon try to control a soccer ball.
What we probably didn’t consider about the statement was that Lalas may have been referring to his internationally recognized defender Abel Xavier. He of the flashy clothes and outrageous hairstyles. It is tough to argue that Xavier just might be the sexiest traffic cone in the history of soccer.
Don’t believe me? Well, check out this week’s installment of You Write the Caption, which features a photo unearthed by my boy SF at The Offside Rules:
"Abel, no referee could ever give a red card to someone looking this fierce."
Okay, you know the routine. Share your own caption suggestions in the comments section below and I will choose the Top 10, including the No. 1 caption, which will earn the author a free t-shirt courtesy of Objectivo Apparel.
Fire away (and please try to keep the captions clean).
Sheepdog is the new black.
i demand to see edward scissors hands he always cuts my hair
back in Portugal people used to laugh at my hair, but in los angeles they really get me
“___________________ Beckham, ___________________ Giuseppe Franco/Proceed. And then Abel said, ‘I’m too sexy for __________, too sexy for __________, so sexy it hurts!'”
Abel: “Hey Giuseppe, how do I look?”
3. Xavier doing his own flea-check.
2. DP = Discolored Perm
1. The carpet doesn’t match the drapes…
Thank you for the haircut, sir. You have done an exemplary job. <—Abel Xavier's defensive abilities are funny enough without a witty caption adding to the comedy of errors.
“That’ll show Beckham!”
“Now at least my hair isn’t as leaky as my defense”
And somehow, Landon Donovan is only the third girliest member of the Galaxy.
In response to his embarrassing appearance in SBI’s “You Write the Caption,” Xavier decides to mix things up with a more traditional jheri curl–Abel baffled by its less-than-possitive response
“Dang rookies keep putting their bubble gum in my hair.”
“You call this a perm!! Look at the frays back here”
Abel: “How do I look?”
Guiseppe Franco: “Slow”
Becks better not be lying that blondes have more fun.
This is an example of a revolutionary hair product called procede ( Results may vary).
Wait! I look like I’m the one that is supposed to cutting the hair.
Now if i can only get someone to bleach it down there……LALAS WHERE ARE YOU!
jevanoo’s takes the cake. sorry fellas.
This is how the back of your hair will look to the opposing team’s fowards who blow past you on a regular basis.
His ‘nad sack kept hitting me right… here!
Abel, I promise this color won’t show grass stains when you get beaten by a rookie forward and fall on your head.
I’m too sexy for my hair, too sexy for my hair… so sexy it hurts!
“Can you make this any less aerodynamic? It makes the game seem like its going at a faster pace.”
i vote for Michael’s “If Beckham no love me now, he no love me ever.”
I’m too sexy for the pitch
Too sexy for the pitch
So sexy I i-itch
I’m too sexy for defending
Too sexy for defending..
This ain’t no sexy football
I’m a m-m-moron, you know what I mean?
And I do my little turn as they blow by me.
As they blow by me
As they blow by me, yeah,
I do my little turn as they blow by me.
Nothing says MLS success like the proper length mullet.
Sexual Chocalate! Sexual Chocalate!
Brains on the outside, not the inside.
Now that’s posh!
Another brave knight attempts to get Medusa to look into the mirror…
Which mop did you rip this off of?