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You Write the Caption: Sexy Football Edition

Admit it, when you first heard Alexi Lalas use the term Sexy Football to describe what the Los Angeles Galaxy would play like, you laughed out loud. After all, there’s positively nothing sexy about watching Alan Gordon try to control a soccer ball.

What we probably didn’t consider about the statement was that Lalas may have been referring to his internationally recognized defender Abel Xavier. He of the flashy clothes and outrageous hairstyles. It is tough to argue that Xavier just might be the sexiest traffic cone in the history of soccer.

Don’t believe me? Well, check out this week’s installment of You Write the Caption, which features a photo unearthed by my boy SF at The Offside Rules:


"Abel, no referee could ever give a red card to someone looking this fierce."

Okay, you know the routine. Share your own caption suggestions in the comments section below and I will choose the Top 10, including the No. 1 caption, which will earn the author a free t-shirt courtesy of Objectivo Apparel.

Fire away (and please try to keep the captions clean).


  1. “___________________ Beckham, ___________________ Giuseppe Franco/Proceed. And then Abel said, ‘I’m too sexy for __________, too sexy for __________, so sexy it hurts!'”

  2. Thank you for the haircut, sir. You have done an exemplary job. <—Abel Xavier's defensive abilities are funny enough without a witty caption adding to the comedy of errors.

  3. In response to his embarrassing appearance in SBI’s “You Write the Caption,” Xavier decides to mix things up with a more traditional jheri curl–Abel baffled by its less-than-possitive response

  4. I’m too sexy for the pitch

    Too sexy for the pitch

    So sexy I i-itch

    I’m too sexy for defending

    Too sexy for defending..

    This ain’t no sexy football

    I’m a m-m-moron, you know what I mean?

    And I do my little turn as they blow by me.

    As they blow by me

    As they blow by me, yeah,

    I do my little turn as they blow by me.


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